Being in a relationship is difficult enough as it is. The last thing anyone wants is to find themselves in a competition with their mate. If your lover finds himself feeling like a rival, your relationship is in big trouble. If you can detect the problem when it begins, you can avoid suffering irreversible damage to your relationship.

This can be a real problem in relationships between people who are both ambitious and competitive. By the time you notice it, it may have already driven a wedge between you and him. Rori Raye describes “boy energy” as that aggressive approach that women use to achieve great things. This ‘boy energy’ can completely wreck your relationship. It is important to avoid letting this happen by paying attention to the warning signs.

The signs that there is a problem should be pretty obvious. He will begin to avoid competitive activities, and may become confrontational when you ask him to do little things like go jogging or play a game of pool. When he begins to shy away from fun things you once enjoyed together that involve competition, you can be sure that something is wrong.

There are a lot of ways you can throw off the balance in your relationship. Whether making jokes at his expense, or giving him a hard time when he can’t keep up with you on a jog, these little jabs will make him feel as though you are not supportive of him, and that you lack respect for him.

You need to understand the role that you play in his life if you want to really get why these things are destructive to your relationship. He wants to feel like you love him, respect him, and accept him. When you stop giving him the love, respect, and acceptance he needs, it begins to chip away at his confidence in the relationship. That doubt is poisonous.

As soon as you sense that there is a problem, it is imperative that you begin to seek solutions. Rather than asking why he is bent out of shape, you need to begin by asking why you feel a need to compete with him. Is it your own insecurity that is driving your actions? Only when you are truly secure in yourself and your relationship, will you be willing to give the praise and support he desires rather than taking it for yourself.

You can turn things around before they become critical if you just take the time to notice this problem as soon as it begins. As long as you take the time to consider what it would feel like to be in his shoes, you will be able to understand why this is a problem. No one likes to be one-upped, especially by their mate! Next time a competitive situation arises, be encouraging and supportive. Be generous and kind rather than selfish and self-serving. By making his victories your own, your relationship will thrive by being mutually supportive and loving.

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